Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Liz, wherever you are, I am sorry.

Hello Liz

  I am sure you remember me. I made you cry. Yes, you spoke to my friend Aaron, tell him that you were shy, and that you asked him to ask me if We could "go out". As I heard that, I thought, "Well, if she can't come up to me and ask me that then I'll say no". Apparently that appears to be an illogical reason to say no. There is no qualifying rationality to make this a logical reason. However, as time draws on, I realize that, I am not making my own decisions.
  As you can see in the photo above, "Anti-Depressants: Side Effects May Include Suicidal Thoughts". As you can see, I was on Prozac, an Anti-Depressant, and Ritalin at that time you tried to ask me out. I was prescribed many pills over the course of art school, such as Zoloft, Praxil, Seroquel, Serzone, Dexedrine, Zispredal, etc etc. These pills caused me a lot of problems and side-effects that made schooling difficult, thus it took me 7 years to graduate.
 So, it appears that I had a strange side-effects from the Prozac and other psychiatric pills. Yes there were thoughts of suicide. In all of my videos, performance art, you will see me dying or commit suicide. I have about 30 suicides in my video art and performances. I believe this reflects strongly the suicide side-effects as it showed up in my art. Furthermore, it doesn't stop there. I could go on and on with the side-effects and fill up an encylopedia of them, but allow me to elaborate on the situation.
  "How did I not go out with Liz when she wanted to go out with me"??? This is a question I asked myself. I live in a world where I struggle to try to make my own choices, my own decisions. Isn't everyone's life full of the choices I make and the decisions they make? Well, let's go back to the Suicide side-effect. If someone didn't take the Prozac, they wouldn't have a suicide side-effect or kill themselves, right? Therefore, if someone on Prozac kills themselves, then they are not making their own decision. The Prozac is making their own decision for them. It is an infringement of human rights. Human beings have the right to make their own choices, and not to be a slave to some psychiatric drug that kills them. Death isn't the only result of psychiatric medicine, if death isn't the result, there are other problems. One of those problems is the "Romance-blocking" side-effects of the medicine. It causes people to act out in a way that jeporadizes their relationships and dating lifestyles.
 Liz, when I saw you, I saw a beautiful little blonde girl, that I fancy. You are my type. I like that sort of thing. It's precisely what I wanted. In fact, it may be that God tried to send you to me. To keep me away from the people that the devil sent to me. The devil sent to me, Aaron, and those other guys I wasted my time hanging out with at art school. I did NOT have fun, and any semblance of happiness was a fake happiness, a faux chemical joy that comes from Prozac, that is a lie, and a deception. Due to my horrible art school experience of not going out with Liz, and other ordeals, after I graduated I stopped doing art for 9 years and finally got back into it.
I'm sorry Liz. I'm sure we would have a lot of fun. It's sad that I don't know you well and that I didn't take you out on a date. I would have taken you to get some giant meatballs at Boca Boca at the Plaza or somewhere nice, like that Napoleon French pastry place.
Furthermore, aside from explaining that the side-effects of the medicine made me act out in a way that I didn't go out with you, I also truly feel that my psychiatrist was just trying to "Fun-block" me. He's trying to prevent me from having a girlfriend. I believe that it is very possible, due to the nature of the chemicals such as MK Ultra, (for example, with MK Ultra they made sex slaves. Its very possible that they can do the reverse of that). MK Search, MK Control, etc. etc. I believe that it's possible that perhaps something was done to me in order to make me act out and behave in ways that prevent me from going out with such a cute and adorable girl like you, Liz.
So, I just wanted you to know that aside from this explanation, that you will ask, "Why was he trying to chase after the other girls and not me"?? Yes, you saw at Valentine's day, "I love you Alyssa" on the light outside your dorm room. I had no idea that you were Alyssa's roomate, and when you saw that sign you were crying. As hard this is going to explain, the medicine is Sneaky. Tricky, Deceptive. If it is going to prevent me from having a relationship, then I would know immediately, that if I am not pursuing any girls or relationships or dates, that when I take the pill, I would know it's side-effect quite pronounced, preimment, to know exactly what it is doing to me and to not take it. But it's deceptions goes way deeper than that. As it works with brain chemistry, sexual chemistry, it will make me chase after women that will not go out with me or not have a relationship with me. It will choose a woman whose chemistry, when that girl enters my range of body chemistry, it picks up a signal and assigns me to pick out the girl that will reject me, and, or, if there is an actual romantic contact with me and a girl, it will try to assign sexual side-effect behaviors that cause the relationship to disperse and not go any further. Just look at the side-effects of anti-depressants. Sexual Dysfunction. Lack of Sexual Interest. decreased, diminished sexual desire, and so on. It means that while taking an anti-depressant, it acts as a Matrix, creating a labyrinth in which one walks through, and all the sexual side-effects are traps, that prevent you from getting the treasure. 
And you were the treasure, Liz, that I lost due to the trap provided by anti-depressants. 
 Yes, it is very hard to explain that "Why was I trying to flirt with Alyssa and not Liz"? Yes it is very difficult, indeed, and I myself had to explain those things to me, I worked hard to figure out what was going on, what I was going through. It was peer sheer hell and terror. It is like a demonic, torture dungeon from medieval times without the pain. Taking Prozac is like a bad psychedelic trip without the visuals, but instead, reality gets bad.
See, I was struggling to find love while the Prozac was trying to take love away from me. That is another explaination. You can see my fighting back to figure out what is cutting me down. Lets try it another way. I've read about 500 books by the time I graduated high school. All that reading gave me some bonuses to my intelluect as I had a zest for life, I was ready to take on the world and live a good life. Somehow, the Prozac turned all those 500 books against me. Its like, all those stories, the protagonists and antagonists, the struggles, the conflicts, the trophes, became like phantasms, like monsters turned against me. Like the Fall of the House of Usher, my world was falling down around me as I took the Prozac, just like those who take Prozac and kill themselves, my house was falling. You can see the labyrinth that the Pandora of Prozac creates. Its demonic. Its' like a creepy demonlogists' spellbook, with it's arcane writing moving around to reveal spells that are lies to trick wizards into doing very bad magic. It's the False Prophet. Revelations 18:23 "By Babylon's Sorceries, the Nation are Deceived". That's right. It's as if demons were trying to prevent me from having you Liz, and to put that Valentine's sign up on the light as a practical prank, not just on you, but on me. I feel, that when I have, a heart-most desire, love, towards someone, the Prozac detects that and makes you act out in a way that this love is stilled, broken-down, so that you get the fake happiness that Prozac brings instead of the real happiness that Love brings. Prozac will make one chase after girls they don't love instead of the ones they do. Prozac will deceive people in not knowing what love is, or even feeling love. Prozac is demonic. Prozac is deceiving, taking people away from God's provisions of happiness so they can be in the darkness of fake happiness.
Psychiatric medicines are like Demonic Spellbooks, where the arcane writings move around to appear to be other spells, misleading the wizard into making incantations of a very bad demonic spell. That's how psychiatric medicine ruins's peoples lives. That's how a 10 year old girl on Zoloft raises her hand during school, asks the teacher for permission to go to the bathroom, and then she hangs herself to death with her shoelaces. Its the great deceiver, the psychiatric pills are like the Great Deceiver, Satan, Baphomet, The Devil. They just deceive people. It's all lies in a pill. 
Before I went to art school, I was very well trained in martial arts and trained with world champions and was very talented. Once I got on the psychiatric pills, you can see the immediate result- I stopped training! I had no martial arts discipline for 7 years! I was smoking ciggarettes, being 'dumbed down' by the psychiatric medicine, doing video art instead of painting, not making Bruce Lee movies, not doing marital arts discipline, and not going out with Liz, and hanging out with the creepiest guys at the art school. It was very sad, and I was very heartbroken out of it. I hurt myself. Sigh...So, once I got off the medicine in 2000 after graduating, I got back into martial arts, trying to find myself again, the "Real David", and it has been a struggle to be the real me, making my own "real David" decisions. I have yet to this day to find true love, struggling to see through the deceptions.
So, I missed out on a fun art school life. I don't really have too fond memories of art school. It was a bad experience not to go out with Liz and to waste my time with a bunch of creepies. So as I trudge ahead in life, I simply try to learn from this experience, knowing that I have been decieved and tricked, lied to, lying to myself, deceiving myself, due to the psychiatric pills, and wonder how I can stop the psychiatric pills from being prescribed, wondering how I can stop this hell. And to find love before my life is over. I hope all is well with you Liz, I just wanted you to know that I wasn't rejecting you, I found you very beautiful and wanted much to take you out on a date, but it didn't happen, and so I am sorry. 

No comments:

Post a Comment