Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Mental Health test indicates that shrink was trying to prevent me from going out with Liz.

   After watching thousands of spy shows from the 60s like The Man from UNCLE, the Girl from Uncle, The Avengers, Get Smart!, etc, as well as recent ones like Alias, my obsession with spy films stems from being a martial artist with a study of self-defense, that martial arts isn't just enough to defend oneself, espionage is necessary.

   Finally, after watching a spy film, I realized it. As I do know there is a Neo-Nazi group in Tulsa, The Roman Liberation Front, KKK, etc, I realized that a Neo-Nazi group was using psychiatry as a front and cover for their mental attacks on minorities. Already I had determined that the side-effects of psychiatric medicine is responsible enough for my "not going out witih Liz" but there is even more.

  I remember, in the mental health ward, they gave me a test, and did not give me reasons for the test. They handed me a pile of pictures, of men and women. They told me to say "yes" or "no". So as I went through the pile of pictures, I said yes and no randomly, with no thought of attraction or anything of the sort. I simply picked this out at random. This test was for them to determine if they could get me to say "no" to girls and 'yes' to men. This is exactly the test to determine if they are successful at getting me to 'say' no  to 'Going out on a date with Liz". This is exactly what they were trying to do. They brainwashed me and used unknown pharmaceuticals on me. This test that I experienced, indicates precisely that they were trying to 'loveblock' me and 'romanceblock' me. That they were deliberately trying to sabotage my relationships. Already it is determined that psychiatric prescriptions cause lack of relationships, but this test shows that they were doing it on purpose.

  So, what is to be done? The damage is done. I cannot go back in time and go out on a date with Liz. She will not forgive me. Girls do not forgive these things. I do not know how to heal and to find love in my life before it is over. Time has passed so long. It has been 23 years since Liz wanted to go out on a date with me and I said no. I have been self-sabotaging myself and destroying myself since I took the prescription psychiatric pills, and now I have been trying to heal myself and redeem myself and take back what was 'sabotaged' from me, 17 years since I have taken the pills and it has been a war. A cold war and a battle.

Friday, August 26, 2016


I was watching "Night Train to Munich" a comedy about a superspy whose cover as a singer-salesman selling song books on the street and singing them, goes on a mission to rescue a girl and her scientist father from the evil clutches of the Gestapo.
I was so happy and joyful watching this, and laughing.

I watched Danger 5 and it's about a Superspy Squadron versus Hitler. Its the most hilarious shit ever. I was so happy and joyful watching this. 
I realized, that watching films vs Nazis  make me happy. And Naziexploitation.
Why? Because Liz, a cute girl who wanted to go out with me, was my secretary in this "Holocaust" class so I got to spend some time with her in this class. Sadly, because of Neo-Nazi Prescription pills of Prozac it made me not feel my 'love chemicals' and did the opposite, like the "Ludovico Technique" from A Clockwork Orange,  that it made me "Not Go out with Liz" when she asked my friend Aaron if I could take her out on a date. She was too shy to ask me myself. The prozac made me think erratically, and made me think "Oh since she couldn't ask me herself then I wont go out with her". But the fallacity in all this is that psychiatric prescriptions have strange sexual side-effects that make you think strangely and act strangely that prevents you from dating and having relationships. 
So, years later after that incident, Liz was in my "Holocaust History Class" and I asked if she could be my secretary and I paid for her to do it. Ever liberal arts class I have a secretary to take notes since I cant hear jack shit. So, even though I still didn't "date" Liz, and she didn't "study with me" when I asked, we were in the same class. And so how strange and rare it is for a hearing girl to want to be my girlfriend. Most hearing girls in Tulsa, if not all of them, are like "Joy Division Girls" for the Hearing Nazi Tulsa Okie Boys. I never knew Liz. I dont know what music she likes, or what food she likes, or anything about her at all. Even though she was my notetaker and in the same class, it seems our conversation didn't go into details (as far as I can remember). 
Strangely, I always feel happy watching a Nazi or Holocaust film. Its perhaps it reminds me of the time I was in a class with a Hearing Girl who once wanted to go out with a date with me. I have never met a girl like her before. Maybe we were meant to be together. Maybe God wanted me to be with Liz so she can keep me away from my shitty crap friends and keep me to be myself. Maybe if Liz was my girlfriend Id be doing my marital arts. Maybe shed tell me not to take that shitty prozac and ritalin. 
In any case, I dont expect to be back with Liz. its been 23 years since she asked my friend if she could go on a date with me. Girls are unforgiving and so I needed her back then. Ive never found Love or another "Liz". Im damaged by the psyschiatric pills. Ive never had a girlfriend.  
Well Ive had a bunch of dates.. not too many. Ive fucked girls I dont like and I didn't like it. So Ive lived an asexual lifestyle of no relationships as an Asexual. Prozac made me Asexual. 
One is Born, to grow up, and Not go out with Liz, Masturbate, and not find Love for decades, and suffer. No one escapes Death. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Antidepressants Affect Feelings of Love for Partner

Antidepressants Affect Feelings of Love for Partner


Antidepressants Affect Feelings of Love for Partner

A woman sits, looking depressed
Credit: Johan Larson/
Taking antidepressants may affect people's feelings of love and attachment, a new study suggests.
Researchers found that men's feelings of love tended to be affected more than women's by taking antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which work mainly through the serotonin system. In contrast, drugs called tricyclic antidepressants, which affect the serotonin system less, seem to affect women's feelings of love more than men's, the researchers said.
"The good news is that there are a variety of agents for treating depression," said study author Dr. Hagop S. Akiskal, a distinguished professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego.

In the study, researchers compared the effects of SSRIs and tricyclic antidepressants on the love lives of 192 people with depression — 123 women and 69 men — whose mean age was 41. The study included 13 people who were homosexual. All the people in the study said they had been in loving relationships for between seven months and 26 years.
"Indeed, our subjects were those who could be properly considered smitten by love," Akiskal told Live Science. [13 Scientifically Proven Signs You're in Love]
The participants filled out a questionnaire that examined their feelings of love, attachment and sexual attraction to their partners throughout their relationships. On the questionnaire, the participants addressed whether their feelings were different after they started taking antidepressants, compared with before.
When the researchers looked at all the study participants, they found that those taking SSRIs were more likely to say they felt less at ease with sharing their partners' thoughts and feelings, and less wishful that their love for their partner would last forever since they started taking their medication, compared with the people taking tricyclics.
They also found the men in the study taking SSRIs reported being less likely to ask their partners for help or advice, or take care of their partners, compared with women who had been taking SSRIs.
On the other hand, women who had been taking tricyclics were more likely to complain about disturbances in their sex life than men who had been taking tricyclics.
The investigators were inspired to conduct the new study after their previous research with people in romantic relationships and those suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder found that "serotonin function was more deviant in a state of romantic love, than in obsessive compulsive disorder," Akiskal said.
It is important that patients with depression communicate openly with their physicians about how they are feeling, he said.
"Certainly, a physician should always inquire whether there is any impairment in the love life during depressive illness, because the loss of sexual desire and sexual feelings are common manifestations of depressive illness itself," he said.
The study was published in the September issue of the Journal of Affective Disorders.
Follow Agata Blaszczak-Boxe on Twitter. Follow LiveScience @livescience, Facebook & Google+. Originally published on Live Science


Saturday, June 7, 2014


Thank you Liz
for wanting to go out with a deaf retard like me. It must take a lot of courage and strength for a girl to go out with a retarded deaf guy like me. Sure I had youthful good looks, but I had a voice inflection that girls don't like and deafness that girls don't like.

So, I wanted to go out with you too. But, because my psychiatrist wanted to 'cockblock' me and prevent me from gettnig laid, he used the "Ludovico Technique Pill" on me to prevent me from acting out in ways that ges me laid.

It is very, very, very, very, very hard for me to get laid. Ive never had a girlfriend or hve been loved.

Ive been very miserable and almost jumped to my death at Youmacon in Detroit in front of thousands of Cosplayers, because I was so miserable and embarassed that my major was video art instead of anime, and that I wanted to die if I didn't have a cosplaying girlfriend. The thought of not getting laid with a cosplay girl was too much for me to bear that I wanted to jump to my death in front of everyone..

so in order to prevent myself from commiting suicide, I had to leave the con early and not attend the cosplay rave.

it was very sad and I was weeping and crying.

My life sucks.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

20 Real Reasons Men Say No to Sex

(the same thing that can prevent a man from having sex is the same thing that prevents a man from going out on a date or acting in a way that prevents  a woman from showing interest in him, such as giving him peeve side-effects that turn a girl off). 
Sure, many women admit they occasionally come up with excuses to get out of having sex. But there are also often legitimate reasons why they don't want to get it on. And while we're at it, let's clear up an ugly little gender myth here ... Women aren't the only ones saying "no" to sexytimes. Men arejust as guilty of making excuses! And, believe it or not, also have their reasons for abstaining.
Here, 20 actual reasons a guy may say "no" to a bedtime romp ... 
  1. He's suffering from poor body image/feels out of shape.
  2. He ate too much.
  3. He's gassy from eating too much or what he ate. (Having taken milk pills means nothing!)
  4. He had a groin injury and/or surgery recently.
  5. He isn't over a fight you had and doesn't want to hurt you with hate sex.
  6. He's angry about something he has yet to bring up -- and doesn't want to hurt you with hate sex.
  7. He may be in the mood for a less conventional sort of sex play and is not ready to talk to you about that/do that with you. (Also known as Real Life Christian Grey Complex.)
  8. He's suffering from low self-esteem.
  9. He's feeling anxious about money.
  10. He's feeling anxious about work.
  11. He's coping with seasonal depression.
  12. He's coping with chemical depression -- and taking antidepressants only serves to compound the issue, as they notoriously lower sex drive.
  13. He's turned off by something you did -- like lie about money.
  14. He's turned off because you did something that reminds him of your mother ... or his mother. (Ew.)
  15. He already took care of "the need" himself too recently.
  16. His hormone balance is out of whack. (Lower than optimal testosterone or low thyroid, etc.)
  17. He drank too much and is afraid he won't be able to perform up to par.
  18. He's feeling insecure about something related to sex, like penis size, how long he can last before ejaculating, etc.
  19. He's feeling insecure about something else that's linked to his pride/masculinity, like feeling stuck in his career, not making enough money as he'd like, etc.
  20. He's truly, completely zonked/exhausted/burned out/beyond tired. Yes, men are human, too.
What are some other real reasons your man passes on sex?

Friday, April 18, 2014

As time goes on, my perceptions increase.. and I realize something..

This is an addendum to the well-detailed explanation, and this addendum will serve as great assistance to the understanding of the complex, Babylonic confusion which is why I didn't "go out with Liz".

When Liz asked my friend, Aaron, to tell me, that she wanted to go out with me, because Liz was too shy to do it herself, I thought, "Well, if she is too shy to ask me herself, then I won't go out with her".

Now there are detailed explanations to how I prove that psychiatric medicine gave me that faulty reasoning, as Anti-Depressants are well-known and well-documented to cause suicide, well, suicide means self-loathing, self-hate.

 Since that is such a case, what this means:
 One would infer that I was "Rejecting" Liz and not going out with her. But it is more clear, in a deeper understanding of the situation, that I was "Rejecting Myself". Because of the self-hatred that comes from psychiatric drugs as a result of side-effects, I was "Rejecting Myself", in not allowing myself to be loved by others, in not loving myself, I was not allowing others to love me.

 So, in conclusion, I wasn't rejecting Liz, but rejecting myself, in the long, strange, confusing and demonically arcane ordeal that is psychiatric pill abuse.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Liz, wherever you are, I am sorry.

Hello Liz

  I am sure you remember me. I made you cry. Yes, you spoke to my friend Aaron, tell him that you were shy, and that you asked him to ask me if We could "go out". As I heard that, I thought, "Well, if she can't come up to me and ask me that then I'll say no". Apparently that appears to be an illogical reason to say no. There is no qualifying rationality to make this a logical reason. However, as time draws on, I realize that, I am not making my own decisions.
  As you can see in the photo above, "Anti-Depressants: Side Effects May Include Suicidal Thoughts". As you can see, I was on Prozac, an Anti-Depressant, and Ritalin at that time you tried to ask me out. I was prescribed many pills over the course of art school, such as Zoloft, Praxil, Seroquel, Serzone, Dexedrine, Zispredal, etc etc. These pills caused me a lot of problems and side-effects that made schooling difficult, thus it took me 7 years to graduate.
 So, it appears that I had a strange side-effects from the Prozac and other psychiatric pills. Yes there were thoughts of suicide. In all of my videos, performance art, you will see me dying or commit suicide. I have about 30 suicides in my video art and performances. I believe this reflects strongly the suicide side-effects as it showed up in my art. Furthermore, it doesn't stop there. I could go on and on with the side-effects and fill up an encylopedia of them, but allow me to elaborate on the situation.
  "How did I not go out with Liz when she wanted to go out with me"??? This is a question I asked myself. I live in a world where I struggle to try to make my own choices, my own decisions. Isn't everyone's life full of the choices I make and the decisions they make? Well, let's go back to the Suicide side-effect. If someone didn't take the Prozac, they wouldn't have a suicide side-effect or kill themselves, right? Therefore, if someone on Prozac kills themselves, then they are not making their own decision. The Prozac is making their own decision for them. It is an infringement of human rights. Human beings have the right to make their own choices, and not to be a slave to some psychiatric drug that kills them. Death isn't the only result of psychiatric medicine, if death isn't the result, there are other problems. One of those problems is the "Romance-blocking" side-effects of the medicine. It causes people to act out in a way that jeporadizes their relationships and dating lifestyles.
 Liz, when I saw you, I saw a beautiful little blonde girl, that I fancy. You are my type. I like that sort of thing. It's precisely what I wanted. In fact, it may be that God tried to send you to me. To keep me away from the people that the devil sent to me. The devil sent to me, Aaron, and those other guys I wasted my time hanging out with at art school. I did NOT have fun, and any semblance of happiness was a fake happiness, a faux chemical joy that comes from Prozac, that is a lie, and a deception. Due to my horrible art school experience of not going out with Liz, and other ordeals, after I graduated I stopped doing art for 9 years and finally got back into it.
I'm sorry Liz. I'm sure we would have a lot of fun. It's sad that I don't know you well and that I didn't take you out on a date. I would have taken you to get some giant meatballs at Boca Boca at the Plaza or somewhere nice, like that Napoleon French pastry place.
Furthermore, aside from explaining that the side-effects of the medicine made me act out in a way that I didn't go out with you, I also truly feel that my psychiatrist was just trying to "Fun-block" me. He's trying to prevent me from having a girlfriend. I believe that it is very possible, due to the nature of the chemicals such as MK Ultra, (for example, with MK Ultra they made sex slaves. Its very possible that they can do the reverse of that). MK Search, MK Control, etc. etc. I believe that it's possible that perhaps something was done to me in order to make me act out and behave in ways that prevent me from going out with such a cute and adorable girl like you, Liz.
So, I just wanted you to know that aside from this explanation, that you will ask, "Why was he trying to chase after the other girls and not me"?? Yes, you saw at Valentine's day, "I love you Alyssa" on the light outside your dorm room. I had no idea that you were Alyssa's roomate, and when you saw that sign you were crying. As hard this is going to explain, the medicine is Sneaky. Tricky, Deceptive. If it is going to prevent me from having a relationship, then I would know immediately, that if I am not pursuing any girls or relationships or dates, that when I take the pill, I would know it's side-effect quite pronounced, preimment, to know exactly what it is doing to me and to not take it. But it's deceptions goes way deeper than that. As it works with brain chemistry, sexual chemistry, it will make me chase after women that will not go out with me or not have a relationship with me. It will choose a woman whose chemistry, when that girl enters my range of body chemistry, it picks up a signal and assigns me to pick out the girl that will reject me, and, or, if there is an actual romantic contact with me and a girl, it will try to assign sexual side-effect behaviors that cause the relationship to disperse and not go any further. Just look at the side-effects of anti-depressants. Sexual Dysfunction. Lack of Sexual Interest. decreased, diminished sexual desire, and so on. It means that while taking an anti-depressant, it acts as a Matrix, creating a labyrinth in which one walks through, and all the sexual side-effects are traps, that prevent you from getting the treasure. 
And you were the treasure, Liz, that I lost due to the trap provided by anti-depressants. 
 Yes, it is very hard to explain that "Why was I trying to flirt with Alyssa and not Liz"? Yes it is very difficult, indeed, and I myself had to explain those things to me, I worked hard to figure out what was going on, what I was going through. It was peer sheer hell and terror. It is like a demonic, torture dungeon from medieval times without the pain. Taking Prozac is like a bad psychedelic trip without the visuals, but instead, reality gets bad.
See, I was struggling to find love while the Prozac was trying to take love away from me. That is another explaination. You can see my fighting back to figure out what is cutting me down. Lets try it another way. I've read about 500 books by the time I graduated high school. All that reading gave me some bonuses to my intelluect as I had a zest for life, I was ready to take on the world and live a good life. Somehow, the Prozac turned all those 500 books against me. Its like, all those stories, the protagonists and antagonists, the struggles, the conflicts, the trophes, became like phantasms, like monsters turned against me. Like the Fall of the House of Usher, my world was falling down around me as I took the Prozac, just like those who take Prozac and kill themselves, my house was falling. You can see the labyrinth that the Pandora of Prozac creates. Its demonic. Its' like a creepy demonlogists' spellbook, with it's arcane writing moving around to reveal spells that are lies to trick wizards into doing very bad magic. It's the False Prophet. Revelations 18:23 "By Babylon's Sorceries, the Nation are Deceived". That's right. It's as if demons were trying to prevent me from having you Liz, and to put that Valentine's sign up on the light as a practical prank, not just on you, but on me. I feel, that when I have, a heart-most desire, love, towards someone, the Prozac detects that and makes you act out in a way that this love is stilled, broken-down, so that you get the fake happiness that Prozac brings instead of the real happiness that Love brings. Prozac will make one chase after girls they don't love instead of the ones they do. Prozac will deceive people in not knowing what love is, or even feeling love. Prozac is demonic. Prozac is deceiving, taking people away from God's provisions of happiness so they can be in the darkness of fake happiness.
Psychiatric medicines are like Demonic Spellbooks, where the arcane writings move around to appear to be other spells, misleading the wizard into making incantations of a very bad demonic spell. That's how psychiatric medicine ruins's peoples lives. That's how a 10 year old girl on Zoloft raises her hand during school, asks the teacher for permission to go to the bathroom, and then she hangs herself to death with her shoelaces. Its the great deceiver, the psychiatric pills are like the Great Deceiver, Satan, Baphomet, The Devil. They just deceive people. It's all lies in a pill. 
Before I went to art school, I was very well trained in martial arts and trained with world champions and was very talented. Once I got on the psychiatric pills, you can see the immediate result- I stopped training! I had no martial arts discipline for 7 years! I was smoking ciggarettes, being 'dumbed down' by the psychiatric medicine, doing video art instead of painting, not making Bruce Lee movies, not doing marital arts discipline, and not going out with Liz, and hanging out with the creepiest guys at the art school. It was very sad, and I was very heartbroken out of it. I hurt myself. Sigh...So, once I got off the medicine in 2000 after graduating, I got back into martial arts, trying to find myself again, the "Real David", and it has been a struggle to be the real me, making my own "real David" decisions. I have yet to this day to find true love, struggling to see through the deceptions.
So, I missed out on a fun art school life. I don't really have too fond memories of art school. It was a bad experience not to go out with Liz and to waste my time with a bunch of creepies. So as I trudge ahead in life, I simply try to learn from this experience, knowing that I have been decieved and tricked, lied to, lying to myself, deceiving myself, due to the psychiatric pills, and wonder how I can stop the psychiatric pills from being prescribed, wondering how I can stop this hell. And to find love before my life is over. I hope all is well with you Liz, I just wanted you to know that I wasn't rejecting you, I found you very beautiful and wanted much to take you out on a date, but it didn't happen, and so I am sorry.