Friday, August 26, 2016


I was watching "Night Train to Munich" a comedy about a superspy whose cover as a singer-salesman selling song books on the street and singing them, goes on a mission to rescue a girl and her scientist father from the evil clutches of the Gestapo.
I was so happy and joyful watching this, and laughing.

I watched Danger 5 and it's about a Superspy Squadron versus Hitler. Its the most hilarious shit ever. I was so happy and joyful watching this. 
I realized, that watching films vs Nazis  make me happy. And Naziexploitation.
Why? Because Liz, a cute girl who wanted to go out with me, was my secretary in this "Holocaust" class so I got to spend some time with her in this class. Sadly, because of Neo-Nazi Prescription pills of Prozac it made me not feel my 'love chemicals' and did the opposite, like the "Ludovico Technique" from A Clockwork Orange,  that it made me "Not Go out with Liz" when she asked my friend Aaron if I could take her out on a date. She was too shy to ask me myself. The prozac made me think erratically, and made me think "Oh since she couldn't ask me herself then I wont go out with her". But the fallacity in all this is that psychiatric prescriptions have strange sexual side-effects that make you think strangely and act strangely that prevents you from dating and having relationships. 
So, years later after that incident, Liz was in my "Holocaust History Class" and I asked if she could be my secretary and I paid for her to do it. Ever liberal arts class I have a secretary to take notes since I cant hear jack shit. So, even though I still didn't "date" Liz, and she didn't "study with me" when I asked, we were in the same class. And so how strange and rare it is for a hearing girl to want to be my girlfriend. Most hearing girls in Tulsa, if not all of them, are like "Joy Division Girls" for the Hearing Nazi Tulsa Okie Boys. I never knew Liz. I dont know what music she likes, or what food she likes, or anything about her at all. Even though she was my notetaker and in the same class, it seems our conversation didn't go into details (as far as I can remember). 
Strangely, I always feel happy watching a Nazi or Holocaust film. Its perhaps it reminds me of the time I was in a class with a Hearing Girl who once wanted to go out with a date with me. I have never met a girl like her before. Maybe we were meant to be together. Maybe God wanted me to be with Liz so she can keep me away from my shitty crap friends and keep me to be myself. Maybe if Liz was my girlfriend Id be doing my marital arts. Maybe shed tell me not to take that shitty prozac and ritalin. 
In any case, I dont expect to be back with Liz. its been 23 years since she asked my friend if she could go on a date with me. Girls are unforgiving and so I needed her back then. Ive never found Love or another "Liz". Im damaged by the psyschiatric pills. Ive never had a girlfriend.  
Well Ive had a bunch of dates.. not too many. Ive fucked girls I dont like and I didn't like it. So Ive lived an asexual lifestyle of no relationships as an Asexual. Prozac made me Asexual. 
One is Born, to grow up, and Not go out with Liz, Masturbate, and not find Love for decades, and suffer. No one escapes Death.